Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

the first time

We've had a Trader Joe's in Boulder for, like ... two years? I don't actually know. I've reached that point of adulthood where all time between a decade and a year has become elastic. 2009? 2017? I was roughly 12 when this weird decade started and now I'm approximately 47, so it stands to reason that I'm confused. 

The first time I went to Trader Joe's was in Portland with The Tiniest Sprinter (ie my brother). He and his wife don't go that often, I don't think, and when I went with them I was 100% an embarrassing TJ virgin.

me: whyyyyy don't you come here alllll the time????
bro: it's like 20 minutes away
me: but this is amazing! look at all the chocolate! why would anyone go anywhere but here ever ever?
bro:... (looks at shelf hoping I'll go away)

That particular TJs also had the liquor store, of course. Between the $2 wine and the nonpareils (literally no one does not love chocolate with crunchy white sprinkles on top, come at me) I probably gained seven pounds that weekend. 

The Boulder Trader Joe's does not have an attached liquor store. But you know what I read about Trader Joe's? (Citing from memory so, you know, do your own research if you have doubts mmmk.) Trader Joe's carries something like 5000 different items.

The average grocery store carries 70,000. 

That's nutballs. It makes sense, when you think about it. Go to King Soopers, and pick your peanut butter - you'll have four or five brands and each will have #options. TJs has, like, two? I don't know, I didn't check.

I didn't check because it's like 20 minutes away.

And that's far.

But still. TJs is amazing. Two peanut butters, probably? but both trustworthy?

Here's the thing.

I think this might be what all first times are like. Everything we do, we do once for the first time, right? (Yes, I'm obviously implying sex but I also mean reading a chapter book and watching a documentary and climbing a 14er and getting a dog and planting a flower that grows - y'all know what I'm after here.) And when it's new to us, we think 'holy crap, y'all - how are you guys being so very nonchalant about this world changing experience?? I am a sex/book/documentary/mountain/dog/plant person now and everything will". And yet, I now have a TJ's closer to me than my brother's is to him. And I have a dog, and have climbed a 14er. And (shhhh) have had sex like once or twice. And it's all so very normal. 


Are first timers embarrassing, or should I start a movement called 'stop being disillusioned and get excited again literally everyone in middle class America.?

I'll be there for you

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