Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

As part of my ongoing problem-with-being-creative (please see the last post with any questions), I started reading my old posts again. Can we please talk about this motherfucking post I wrote TWELVE motherfucking YEARS AGO?

God I overuse profanity sometimes.

If you don't wanna click, the post is a list of things I wanted to do with my life because I was 25 and in the midst of a quarter life crisis and just being generally existential. I think I was also dating someone with very little interest in my emotional well being. (Not because I remember who I was dating, just because that was kinda my mo.)

Here's an edited excerpt to reference for the point I'm going to make any second now, ok?

Win the lottery
Have the same dog forever
Have 10 dogs and refer to them as my ‘peeps’
Develop a television show
Be an archeologist
Write a book about a girlie detective
Write a book about metallurgy
Be a vet
Visit the north pole (just in case Santa’s really there)
Join the Peace Corps
Join Engineers without Borders
Meet a stranger and eat a hamburger
Be a tenured professor of… well, anything
Convince the world that 5’1″ is the perfect height for a runway model
Be that person who does studies like ‘2 out of 10 people think trees aren’t pretty’ and ‘being married makes you 12% less likely to run out of gas on the way to work’
Design Italian sports cars with my little brother

Can we talk about lines 3, 6, ... ok, the numbers don't work. Let's just look at a few things:

  • I have three dogs and refer to them as my squad like ALL THE TIME. (We didn't know squad was a word when I wrote 'peeps'. (I mean we knew it was A word, just not the word it is now. You get me.))
  • I wrote not one but two books about a girlie detective. Her name is Rose Hall and those books are available for purchase on Amazon and I ain't gunna link cause that makes me feel weird.
  • I ate a hamburger on my first date with Crockett. Who was a stranger because it was a blind date.
  • I taught undergrad stats classes. Not tenure, but, like directional. 
  • I am NOW A STATISTICIAN. Either I didn't know that's what the job in the second to last item was called or I didn't care, but either way, it is 100% my job now. A senior statistician even.

We all know where I'm going with this.

I'm a motherfucking psychic.

I'm so excited for the runway, y'all.


new lewk

you've been tearing me up