Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

dogs aren't babies we all read NY magazine

We were car shopping this evening, and our salesman would not stfu about babies. For real.

(Our cars areĀ fiiiiiine, just one of them doesn't move so well and hasn't since June, ndb.)

Backstory: our salesman was adorable, and Irish (what up totally undeserved by me brother!), and very very very shamelessly self promotional. "Our Yelp page is basically only reviews of me." Also: "Oh, look at this picture of my 20 month old!", he says, handing me his phone where there was a indisputably cute picture of a baby. "He just got mad at my wife because the sour cream on his macaroni and cheese isn't yogurt!"

"Cute", I tell him.

He read the room, and asked if we had dogs.

He was prepping for a pitch on the leather replacement package, ya know. If we weren't going to respond to baby puke, we'd respond to unclipped nails.

The thing is, at some point after that I mentioned we were recently married and then he went the way a surprising-not-surprising amount of people have gone (since the wedding THREE AND A HALF WEEKS AGO (Oct 9th future Emma in case you're referencing this post to help you remember your anniversary, don't tell Crockett)): joke-not-joking about when we were going to have babies.

"When you have a kid, you can put this side down ... oh right, I mean your dogs," and then a wink.

"The leather can stand up to a lot, but spilt formula ... or spilled groceries, for you," and then a wink.

(These were not actual winks. He didn't drop one eyelid while looking at us, because no one good does that anymore. Only bads. Write that down. NiceĀ people you know can wink at you in a cute way, but strangers (particularly of the sales variety) are no longer allowed to wink. It's gross. You're a bad if you do that. These were spiritual winks.)

Crockett didn't even notice. I'm talking to him as I write this, and he's genuinely confused. He remembers the comments (there were more than listed above), but has no sense that they were assumptive. Pervasive. Patriarchal.

So.

Am I so prepared for people to start asking about babies that I'm seeing that shit everywhere? Or was he trying to sell a couple he perceived as being in the baby zone? Or was the baby zone a straight up assumption that I really will have to deal with 4-ev-er?

(post referenced in title)

 

I learned a safety rule, I don't know who to thank

I'm the villain in my own story