Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

whoommm whommmmmp

Some sweet (and some, like, medium sweet?) people have been making friendly overtures lately, and I have been being an absolute suckface about it. Most recently, a very sweet woman was walking her two dogs on the path. Her younger dog was a pain and her older dog was ill, and I was like hey I have a dog who is a pain and another who is ill and another who is ALSO a pain! We walked together for awhile and the dog pack seemed to calm all of the nerd butts down, and she sort of suggested future doggie play dates.

I agreed, and told her when we're usually at the dog park.

And then I did not go to the dog park at that time.

There's another example that follows the same sweet person/specific potential of some kind/enthusiastic agreement on some sort of future plan/total blowoff pattern, that the details for are basically irrelevant.


Here's what I think. I think that I'm going through an introverted phase and what I mostly want to do is read and write and listen to audiobooks and podcasts and watch my puppies and hang out with Crockett. What I do not want to do is spend my time at the dog park or wherever getting to know a new person. That is permissible. Defensible, even.

What confuses me is that when I make these plans? Or build these potential plan bridges, or what have you? I totally think I'm into them. Meeting the nice woman at the dog park was MY IDEA.

So not only am I being kind of cruddy and misleading to strangers who would likely be totally fine with me just smiling and walking away, I am being misleading to my own damn self because I somehow think that future Emma is going to want to make awkward conversation while we watch our dogs chase each other (and poop, probably).

I do not want to do that and therefore she does not want to do that. Stay strong, future Emma, while I try to get my shit together over here.


selfie ouroboros

hell on heels