Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

what I golf

My fabulous new company has a golf weekend year. For a mere twenty five dollars, we get to play with four coworkers in a scramble, and get lots of branded stuff, and get drinks, and breakfast, and lunch, and entered in a raffle. It's fun. This is a short list of things that happened to me during the game yesterday.

  • I drove the golf cart alone,  fast, and while showing off with a tight speedy turn, I fell out of the cart. Turns out no one was watching, so I was neither embarrassed nor impressive.

  • (I just put on fake nails for fun and TYPING IS HARD)

  • When we went to tip the drink cart woman, I looked for cash. I had a ten, a one, and two twenties, so I gave her the one and felt bad and moved on. Then at the clubhouse during the raffle I bought a beer for 3.75, and the bartender brought me a dollar and quarter for change. I looked in my wallet and still had a twenty and a ten, and I had thought I was holding a twenty, so I told him I'd given him a twenty and he insisted I'd given him a five. He gave in and brought me my change, and I know for sure I couldn't have given him something I didn't have, but I still feel guilty.

  • One of my teammates let me use this super old brass-lookin' putter, and I joked that it was haunted, and he looked at me quite seriously and said 'the guy who used to own it was a jerk and a bigot' and I stuttered 'do you think his ghost will help me golf?' and he was like uhhhh. But I did pretty damn well on the ...putting part, so maybe the bigoted jerk ghost is working for me?

  • Everyone semi-grimaced when I told them who I would be playing with (random assignment)  but my team was AWESOME. I was flipping them off by three hours in and no one was offended.

  • I did a sort of ridiculous number of cartwheels for a respectable 34 year old woman. Because there's nothing about golf grass that doesn't scream cartwheel.

Oh also, I wore shorts with a three inch inseam which seemed perfectly reasonable but I've seen some pics and you know what a three inch inseam looks like when you're with coworkers? Booty shorts. Um, yay me?

blarney and ... guinness and stuff

tina what the fuck