Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

well I think YOU GUYS are two metals. gold medals.

The office has been very, very deserted since before Christmas. First, it was fun. I got there one morning and while there were a few cars in the parking lot, none of the lights on the second floor were on and no one was making any noise. (I did actually see a box of donuts that smelled vaguely of donuts which probably means they were fresh donuts, right? Day old donuts are not known for their enticing smell. I guess I could have checked.

Man, what if those donuts were a present from some kind of donut fairy for the first person to arrive on the second floor?

What if all day long, everyone assumed the donuts belonged to someone else and the WHOLE TIME they were my donuts?)

By today it was a little boring. My work bestie Coastie has been there the whole time but that's kind of like going to an empty restaurant with your boyfriend. Like, yeah, you're with someone you like and you're going to have a good time but you should be having MORE interaction. Otherwise you could be on your couch. My simile is breaking down pretty rapidly.

Or not, because today I did end up on my couch after lunch, because the magic of the internet means never having to say 'of course I can help you with that as long as you don't mind that I'm wearing leg warmers and am covered in dogs'.

Everyone comes back on the 2nd, but I have two more days to go of working with a skeleton crew. (Plus, fun fact, my work is primarily building things that sales people sell and when the sales people are on vacation then I don't have a lot to build. My RSS feed is at < 500 for the first time since September. Did you guys know that the Doc in NY with Ebola is totally cured??)

My ideas so far are:

  • Stream endless episodes of The Office on my phone. It's like working. Except not. Plus Coastie and the other two guys from my team who will be on hand aren't tv people so I bet I could show them the funny parts and they'd laaaaaaugh.

  • Practice my SAS programming. High on the list of smart and reasonable things to do.

  • Reenact endless scenes from The Office FOR Coastie et all. Upside, no excessive data usage. Downside, I think my Dwight is probably weak and honestly I suspect I would look like I was making fun of one of my actual coworkers but it would be because my impression granularity is bad, not because he's actually like Dwight. I swear.

  • Decorate our aisle. The stats group is in a very tight, very boring cluster of cubes and we're surrounded by sales and finance and their flashy push-pinned wall accoutrements. This would be the perfect time to up our game but literally the only thing I've thought of so far is caricatures of my team as super heros which a) nerdy and b) I cannot draw caricatures and do not know anyone who can.

  • Find one of the following: doctor, lawyer, member of the clergy, school principal, or police person. I'm mailing in my application for Irish citizenship this week but oddly, the Irish consulate cares not for our silly notary publics. They, instead, want me to find an upstanding person from one of those careers to sign a thing saying I am in fact me. I know we have lawyers working at my office but they probably didn't run out of vacation yet. However, perhaps someone is an ex-cop. Or an ex-principal. There's nothing about being a current whatever in the application, so I just need to talk to relative strangers all day about all the various things they've done for a living.

  • Ooo ooo ooo alternate idea: make a really cute sign for my desk that says 'if you are/were/know a doctor etc, please let me know!'. That wouldn't be weird at all.

Ideas are welcome.

can't type too cold

let's do this