Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

here there be Guardians of the Galaxy spoilers

I saw Guardians of the Galaxy last night. (That's not the spoiler.) Every time in this damn post I've tried to type Galaxy I've typed Galazy, which isn't the spoiler either.

I'm just giving you some head room in case you read really fast and it took this long for you to realize that there were spoilers coming.

Ok, so. Spoiler on a single point. During the final battle scene, Groot dies saving everyone else by growing his branches into a protective ball to cushion them when the ship they're in crashes to the ground, k? And instead of  "I am Groot", which anyone with an internet connection knows is all he says, he says "We are Groot".

There was much, much crying. A face so wet that swiping my cheeks with my hands wasn't accomplishing jack shit.

AND THEN. Rocket, the super smart raccoon that is Groot's best friend, cries and cries and puts a stick from Groot's exploded body in a pot and carries it around through the 'you guys saved the world speeches', and just when I thought I couldn't cry more, I did.

AND THEN. The damn thing turned into a baby Groot.

I would like to propose something, henceforth called the SmushyHeart warning.

I want to know, in any book or movie, if anything bad is going to happen to any non-human character that a softie like me might develop feelings for.

So in the case of GotG, you could click on a 'SmushyHeart' link and it would be like don't worry, Groot explodes but totally comes back to life as an adorable baby. In the case of these books my mom and I read about a druid who communicates telepathically with his dog Oberon, there would be a page at the beginning that mentions that while Oberon will likely be captured and possibly even hurt and left for dead, he will always be good as new in the long run. The warning for Old Yeller would just say 'GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN'. Etc.

I can't be the only one who needs this, right?

so many tiny hairs

I'd believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning