I've been watching Last Comic Standing. I've kind of always thought I would make an amazing stand up comic.
Despite literally ALL evidence to the contrary.
Oh, you want an example? Gosh, I happen to have one ready! Isn't that handy?
Yesterday I tried to tell a joke to my coworkers. It wasn't a joke I made up, even, it was literally just a joke. I told my bestest work buddy (who will need a nickname soon - um .. let's call him Coastie) - ok, on topic. I told it to Coastie and the laughter was so loud that my other coworkers came to see what was so funny.
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I say 'the laughter'? I meant 'my laughter'.
So Coastie says 'tell them the joke!' so I do. I'm turning red and covering my mouth and laughing so hard that I need to take deep breaths while I do it, and they're all chuckling just because it's funny seeing someone else think something is funny, right? And then I get to the punch line and am literally spitting with laughter and they're all laughing... and I realize it's because they love that I think it's so funny.
They one hundred percent do not think it's funny.
Wait, is thinking things are really funny hard enough to be contagious a way that any stand up comic works?? Maybe I do have a future in the biz!
Presented without further delay, the joke:
A squirrel is up in a pine tree, and the tree starts to shake. He looks down and he sees and elephant climbing up. "What are you doing, elephant?" The squirrel asks. "Oh I'm just coming up to eat some pears," the elephant answers. "Dude, this is a pine tree, not a pear tree!" "Oh it's ok," the elephant says, "I brought my own pears."
AahahahAHAHAHHAHahahahah I'm not even kidding I have that weird insistent throat laughter happening right now just from typing that out.