Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

ask me about my IUD!

Or don't. I mean, you can, if you're curious, but that was more of a lead in to the fact that ... Drum roll please...

Wow I just realized this sounds like I might be leading up to a pregnancy announcement. Since I moved in April ... actually timeline wise that would kind of make sense for me to be announcing that.

Oh, no, totally not having a baby. I am aware of that because I have an IUD and more accurately because this week I was bleeding in a way that if my uterus had been a nose a doctor likely would have insisted on cauterizing it.

Yes, I know, gross. Whatever. It happens to half of us.

Actually. I just looked this up. Based on an average period length of 5 days, an average cycle length of 29 days, and periods from age 12 to age 50, roughly 334 million women are swimming in shark week at any given time. So there's 'it happens to half of us' vs 4.7%  of the world like RIGHT NOW.

So, yeah, you can say gross but there's a one in twenty chance that the person you're talking to is bleeding from their girl parts.

(Yes, I went to grad school for stats. No, you cannot show that last statement to my advisor and insist that she confiscate my degree.)

The whole point of this meandering diatribe is that I wore a white linen skirt, on the heaviest day of my period. It worked out fine but I was never comfortable.

I'm a crazy mofo.


let's drink and talk about

literal money literal mouth