Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

let's drink and watch

Drinking: Casteller CavaWatching: The 40 Year Old Virgin

  • Steve Carrell wandering around his apartment alone talking to himself is very sad. It wouldn't be sad for everyone, but somehow SC makes it very, very sad.
  • AHAHAHAH Yorkie humping Basset Hound!
  • SC has the manliest bachelor man sheets ever. Navy with big thick white grid pattern.
  • Sidebar: one of the dogs has a stinky, stinky butt right now.
  • Oh man that duh duh duh duh duh duh getcho freak on song is playing in the movie and now I want to watch The Heat instead of this, because The Heat also has this song.
  • All I want out of life is for someone to yell 'you're pretty you're pretty god I just want to live!' at me.
  • Who introduces themselves and shakes hands with someone that's helping them in a store? That's dumb. SC should not have sex with Catherine Keener for that reason. People who work in stores do not want to shake your hand.
  • APPLE BONG. (Also, you're grownups. Just buy a fucking pipe already.)
  • I want every man I know to ask every single one of his male friends if they find him good looking and have them answer honestly. I suspect it would go very well and everyone would leave feeling a little bit better about himself. (Sidenote: I went golfing today with my coworkers (it was a thing) and my cute single female coworker told me that previously she would have been jealous of me because I'm such a catch but that she's been working on being more ... something ... and now isn't thinking about that anymore and I thought that was very sweet and also a weird thing to say.)
  • Did SC improvise the waxing scene? (Sidenote: I got my downtown dining and entertainment distract waxed awhile ago and I expected it to hurt so much more than it did. I mean, it wasn't pleasant, but it was ok. My waxer was exceptionally professional. I never yelled curse words. I DID yell curse words when I got my IUD. The nurse kind of giggled and I kind of wanted to punch her.)
  • I like Seth Rogan with lots of arm tattoos and I want to marry Elizabeth Banks.
  • So CK politely introduces herself to store workers and tells telemarketers to jump off tall buildings and fuck their mothers. She's a complicated woman.
  • It's SC's hair that's making him look so sad. Something about the thinning-ness, voluminous-ness, and the side part with the bangs. I don't know what it is but don't do that, men.
  • The porn video in the movie just started skipping and Maida got really really interested in the squeaky noise and I tried to take a picture of her looking at the frozen boobs but I failed. It was funny, though. You guys missed out.
  • Paul Rudd's ex-girlfriend is MINDY FUCKING KALING. My opinion of him just tripled. Date her for four months and your life has become worthwhile. Even if you are weird and gross.
  • Ok I take it back, my opinion of him is still really really low.
  • People who laugh a lot are the most adorable. And CK of the hand shaking and the threatening people on the phone laughs a lot.
  • Paul Rudd has a shirt on with a picture of himself on it and there are words below it and I can't read them and it's making me a crazy person.
  • It's definitely Agnes's butt that stinks.
  • This list is getting really long and there are 56 minutes left of the movie. If you're still reading feel free to stop. I'm going to stop reading what I'm writing, so don't feel guilty.
  • Oh SC honey. Reading condom instructions. I feel so awkward right now. But what is Catherine Keener doing in the bathroom that SC has time to play with four hundred condoms? Is she shaving everything? Is she masturbating in case he's terrible so she's guaranteed one orgasm? Is she... watching Chuck? It's pretty good. She could be watching Chuck.
  • Chlamydia really is everywhere, I've heard. Seth Rogan is not wrong. Not something I expected to be writing.
  • I wish Two Girls and  Pizza Place... Two Girls ... Two Broke Girls! Wow, that was going somewhere dark for a second. I wish Two Broke Girls wasn't a thing, because Kat Denning is so funny and that show is so terrible and I know she's making money off of it and I would never wish for her NOT to be successful but that show is so terrible.
  • When people say "I know you don't want to do what you're doing for the rest of your life", they very definitely mean they do not approve of what you're doing. Right?
  • Oh god he's talking about sending his toys to a farm like they're dead pets and I'm getting a little teary. This is ugly.
  • There are a bunch of little boys in a 'you're interested in birth control' seminar thing, and I'm not sure why because condoms are everywhere. Because of life and patriarchy probably, birth control is a woman's domain. OH. Maybe boys going to birth control seminars is a good first step. Move along, nothing to see here.
  • Will someone else look at this movie and tell me if it looks like Catherine Keener never washes her hair?

Agnes does not care that her butt smells terrible. Or about this movie.

  • Where is Elizabeth Banks? That story line... OH WAIT HERE SHE IS. And she's being awesome and medium kinky and just super fun. "Can I show you what I like?" is a great question for a first-person-you-have-sex-with to ask. Hell, it's a great question for anyone to ask. She's fun. He should have sex with her but obviously  he is not going to because movie.
  • His jack-0-lantern chest hair is freaking me the fuck out.
  • WHAT. They just switched dudes on her? NOT COOL. Fuck this movie.

Sorry, lost it. Turned it off. It was medium sexist the whole time but they just swapped dudes on a woman in a bathtub, so I'm done. It was fun for awhile, though, right, guys? Also, the wine is delicious. And not very expensive. You should try it.

 

that feeling, you can only say what it is in French

probably should have seen that coming