Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

Not my job

Today was Career Day on campus.

Career Day is nothing more than a career fair specifically geared at college students. A buttload of companies (don't worry, I didn't say buttload in front of anyone there) show up and set up booths and you talk to them and you hand them a resume and then... I don't really know. Something happens. They sift through the three hundred resumes at the end of the night and set up interviews for some of them, I guess? I handed out 11, because the number of companies interested in a person with a masters degree in statistics is depressingly low, and I expect to hear from maybe four of them. I will immediately tell one of those calls that I'm not interested - it sounded fun at the time, but now I realize that it's the quintessential Boulder software company, and I would hate everyone and everything about it inside six months.

It's good to know yourself.

The most frustrating part of my day, though, went like this:

I wanted to talk to a company that does some sort of television... something. Honestly I don't remember, because no one ever showed up at their booth and it doesn't matter anyway. Whoever they were, their empty booth was next to the Navy booth. So I kept swinging by, and every time this dude at the Navy booth caught my eye and I nodded and just kept going...

And then, one time, he caught me. He saw my nametag, which had my name, major, and degree on it, and asked if I was interested in teaching.

I am interested in teaching, so I was like .... ok, what up, yo. He tells me about this instructor position that they have at a nuclear school in Charlotte, NC. (The school isn't nuclear, they just teach nuclear stuff). Apparently they have a need for math instructors. He gave me the full sale - the benefits, the wages, the fact that you leave after four years with experience. And then he asked when I got my bachelors degree, and I told him, and then he asked how old I was.

I'm 31, I say.

He drags me to every other navy person there (and there were quite a few) asking if I could get a waiver for being 31. I was a little insulted, honestly. He never told me what was wrong with being 31, just that it was something that needed to be waived. Finally, someone tells him that yeah, it can probably be waived. Everyone else in the vicinity of the booth at that point was aware that I was probably the oldest person at the career fair, but hey - that can be waived.

That established, he looks down at my arm and asks if my tattoo is real.

No, I drew purple flowers on myself for Career Day.

Yes, it's real.

Again with the waiver - except this time everyone needs to look at the size of my hand in comparison to the size of my tattoo.

This fellow was working very, very hard to recruit me, and I appreciated that.

I also left the booth feeling like an ancient painted lady.

I will not be joining the Navy.

a person

with a vengeance