Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

Do you ever wonder if you'd be a good contestant on a reality television show? What am I saying - of course you do.

It's 2011, people.

We all think about reality tv, all the time.

Right?

No?

Anyway, I would be quite lame as a contestant on any show that involved a skill of any kind.

  • So You Think You Can Dance? - No, I can't dance. Not even in my head. I have one move, and it's best performed when sitting down, and when Crockett and I were driving across country he referred to it as the Emma-dance, and now I'm not going to do it anymore.
  • Project Runway - There's a contestant this season who taught herself to sew 4 months ago, and she's awesome. Crockett's mom showed me how to sew a year ago and I've made a few purses with varying level of success, and hemmed some stuff. I'm pretty sure Heidi wouldn't approve.

I could continue, but it would be a variation of those two things. I can't actually do anything better than anyone else... except make smoothies.

Is there a smoothie making reality show?

Being talentless doesn't exclude me from the second category of reality shows, of course. You know, the kind where they follow you around and watch what you do.

That, obviously, is because I don't do anything. Ever, really.

  • This fall on Fox: 30 Year Old Grad Students and the Laptops that Love Them.

Finally, it goes without saying that I would get my ass kicked in any competition based show. I'm not eating anything disgusting, thank you very much. I'm surely not swimming for my supper, either. Obstacle course? Sure, as long as I had some help reaching the high parts, or it was a special course for short people.

Basically I believe I am destined to go to my grave un-televised.

How very 1980s of me.

 

come visit!

how I learned to quit whining and love my hair