Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

I just finished my last lecture of my first year of graduate school. I have a meeting and a ... well, a nothing really - a class in which I've already taken the final is meeting this afternoon, and part of our grade is participation, so I do have another class but really just as a warm body. After that, though, I get to leave campus.

I am not taking any classes over the summer. I would, but none of the courses I need are offered and since I'm most likely  not going to do thesis work, thesis credits aren't going to do me any good. Assuming I do decide to come back to school in the fall (which it's looking like I will, because I started this grad school thing and damned if I ain't going to finish it), I won't have homework again until the last week of August (classes start on 8/23).

That's 15 weeks from now.

15 weeks.

I'll be working, of course, but for the same woman I work for now and mostly from home. I'll be teaching some middle schoolers and presenting at a few conferences, but it won't be anything like 8-5. I have fifteen weeks stretching out in front of me in which I am almost entirely in control of my own schedule. If I wanted to leave town for weeks on end, I could probably do so. I can't remember the last time I had this much free time. Probably the summer before my junior year as an undergrad - the summer between my junior and senior years I was either in Turkey or working full time at the Department of Commerce all summer.

I want to be elated.

I think tomorrow I'll be elated.

Today I'm just worn out.

I didn't give grad school enough credit for difficulty. I mean, I knew that it would be hard, but I think that at soem point between graduating in 2002 and walking into class last August, I forgot what actual mental commitment was like. I thought that some of my work environments were challenging, but I've since realized that I was being intellectually lazy the entire time I was professionally employed. That's not to say I wasn't doing a good job - I just wasn't learning anything. Certainly not learning in the skull stretching headache inducing way that comes from 16 weeks of constant lectures and homework.

I made it, I did. I can do another year.

Probably.

Ask me in 15 weeks.

I feel so violated

I'm sorry