If this blog were a baby, some court would have deemed me absentee sometime in the last couple of weeks. It's not that I've been busy. I have been, but I used to write every day while I had a whole buncha shit to do. It's not that I've been lazy. I've been doing stuff, left, right, and sideways. It's that I haven't had anything to say. I've been all conflicted, and blahblahblah, and just insert Charlie Brown's mom here for awhile, ok?
For about a year now, I've been writing for a collaborative blog called The Road More Travelled. The bloggers are me and the mindblowingly fabulous woman who has been my best friend for 17 or so years.
Last week, I told her I had to cut back on The Road posts.
I expected anger, or something, but she was all 'dude, of course - whatevs'. Ok, not really. She doesn't say 'whatevs'. She's classier than me.
The thing is, I feel like I have to be all smart on The Road. We're making a point. We're experiencing and we're writing about it. We're blogging about our quarter-life crises.(Yes, I am going to live to be 120 - you want to fuck with that?) We're saying REAL THINGS.
I feel obligated to be smart.
I also have a food blog, called Mangled Baby Duck. (You know you wish you owned mangledbabyduck.com). It's a cross between a recipe blog and a diary. It's a pain in the ass, to be clear. I take pictures. I upload them and edit them and then write about what's in them. The lemon asparagus risotto recipe I just posted took me almost as long to write down as it took me to make (which was a long fucking time, thankyouverymuch).
I feel obligated to make, eat, and do interesting things.
I don't feel obligated to do jack all.
I feel obligated to be myself. To yap at whoever happens to land here, from the wide world of the internets, if that whoever feels like reading. Basically, to yap. I feel obligated to curse if I feel like it, but not to curse if I don't feel like it. I feel obligated to show my cranky pants when they're what I'm wearing, and to show my enthusiastic pants when they're what I'm wearing.
I like it here. For some reason, that has made me feel bad lately. I feel bad because I don't feel bad about being not-always-interesting, or not-always-smart.
It's, what, a blogger thing? A girl thing? An Emma thing? A person-under-5'2" thing? Who knows.
Feeling bad is for chumps.