In my dreams people I love have been being mean to me. Two nights ago, my dad and brother watched me get bit by a cottonmouth snake while they were watching cartoons. I started to feel poisoned, and asked them if I should call 911, and they brought me a phone and told me to keep it down.
Then last night, I dreamt that Crockett had a secret apartment in the urban area of my permanent dream landscape. (Do you have one of those? In mine, the urban area is next to the 200 foot tall highway, a little west of the mall, and north of the country road that's for running and bike riding in one direction and burying bodies in the other direction.) In his secret apartment he had a whole bunch of girl clothes that were my size and he wouldn't share.
Huh. That last one is weirder than it seemed in my head.
Fortunately, this morning I woke up early and went back to sleep. I have some of my best dreams in that part of the day. Today, Tina Fey and I were friends. She told me whose hands those are on the cover of Bossypants, but said I can't tell you.
It's ok, Tina, your secret is safe with me.