Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

skittish

This morning I asked Crockett if he knew how he would commit suicide. I asked in a totally non-creepy manner and it was with regard to something I was reading on the world wide internets, but he still responded with an (overly dramatic) 'WHY would you ask that??'. I tried to explain that it's not one of my brain black holes, so it didn't seem like a big deal.

You know, brain black holes.

I think everyone has them. They're the things that send you into a crappy mood, a downward spiral, a sit in your armchair and cry kind of place if you think about them too hard. For some people suicide is probably one of them - people who have dealt with it personally or had a loved one struggle with it. I fully respect that. My personal black hole is the question of what happens after we die; I can say the words but if I let my mind settle on the concept we're talking full on panic attack. Since suicide doesn't have those implications for me, that question was, to me, on par with asking 'would you ever burn your house down for the insurance money?'. (Also a totally fascinating question. And yes, I probably would, under the right circumstances. It'd be easy to catch me though, because coincidentally Cloey and Maida wouldn't have been in the house when it caught on fire.)

The point here is not insurance fraud or suicide, though - it's those things that your mind skates away from. Those things that you don't want to think about, for whatever reason. They become like mental black ice - try to land on them and you slip right across to the other side. They could be your brain black holes. They could also be things like homework. I mean, technically my homework doesn't give me a panic attack, but right now I'm mentally steering around it despite my best efforts to grab hold.

I'm writing this in an attempt to focus, but also so I can ask this.

Does anyone have any brain road salt I could borrow? Or maybe a portable brain blow dryer?

It's finals week. Brain black ice is not acceptable.

we're all doomed

haitus. sabbatical. pause. gap.