Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

no one laughs at god

I just had my VERY FIRST physical. I arrived at the doctors office at the bright shiny hour of 8 am, having consumed nothing but water since 8 pm last night.

When I got to the office, the PA assured me that I could, in fact, have had coffee if I had it plain. Apparently you're not supposed to consume any calories because it messes with your cholesterol, but caffeine is fine.

I didn't have any coffee with me, sadly, so that little tidbit of information did me a big ol zero of good. I haven't really understood the point of Sbux Via until right now, actually. Perhaps a few emergency packets wouldn't be a bad idea.

Or? Perhaps being less addicted to coffee wouldn't be such a bad idea.

So, I was poked, prodded, and then poked some more. The nurse took SO MUCH BLOOD that I ran out. (Semi-literally: she successfully filled four big tubes and one little one, and then the fifth was getting dribs and drabs and she eventually gave up. I expect they'll just use that one for whatever test they think I'm most likely to pass. "She's young, I'm sure her cholesterol is fine. Just give her high marks and throw that lame vial out.")

I got a tetanus booster which hurt zero but will apparently hurt lots more than zero tomorrow.

I am kind of nervous about the tests, which is ridiculous. I feel fine and have no reason to believe that there's anything wrong with me. If I hadn't gone to the doctor, there's no way I would have been nervous this week about my, dunno, blood sugar levels or something. But now that I'm waiting? Now that someone, somewhere, is going to look at my various fluids before pronouncing me a viable and healthy human being? I'm nervous.

Oh well. I made it through almost 12 years as an adult without one. If I survive this, they can expect to see me again three months before my fortieth birthday.

because. SERIOUSLY.

hush - the grownups are trying to work