Today, I have to turn in my first major project for school. Major like having the equivalent point value of one of my two exams. I hated it with the fiery passion of 17 bajillion suns.
Have you noticed that fiery isn't spelled like fire at all? Well, obviously it has the same letters, but they're in a different order, which usually indicates a different word all together. That's stupid. I digress.
The project was due for a class that I strongly dislike, and that class has a teacher that I strongly dislike. (That's strong dislike squared, for those of you that aren't feeling geeky at the moment.) My dislike for the teacher led to me creating a nickname for her several weeks ago.
I call her Dino Fork.
I call her that because listening to her explain certain things is like listening to a dinosaur trying to explain how to use a fork.
She's a lovely woman, I'm sure. She's clearly brilliant. She's a grad student and this is the first semester she's taught a class. She's younger than I am and way ahead of me in educational currency.
But. Every time I go to her office hours, there are fifteen people waiting ahead of me. There are only 30 people in my class, and mine is the only class she teaches. If half the class needs personal help, perhaps I'm not the only one who finds her dino forky?
The thing is, calling her names makes me feel better - which is awful. It's awful and horrible and just generally full of the 'boo' that degrading someone in my head makes me feel better about the fact that she's an emblem of a class that is proving to be hard for me.
Of course, I've tried several times to talk to her and have witnessed her refuse to make eye contact with me (after having animated and personable discussions with others), so maybe the feeling is mutual. If she doesn't like me either, does that mean it's ok to call her names in my head?
Either way, the damn project is submitted. My first major project of my first semester of my first year of graduate school.
Someone buy me a glass of wine.