Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

It's that time again. That time when I answer questions. There's a teeny tiny kink this week in that no one sent me any (let's recitfy that, shall we? emmanationblog at gmail.com pleez and thank you), but fortunately as residents of the land of plenty, we have lots of other options. My personal favorite is also the one site that can make me lose faith in the human race in the shortest length of time, so this is a win-win. (How is losing faith in humanity a win? I have no idea. It's 7:30 in the morning. Cut me some slack.) Which site? Yahoo Answers, of course! Sure, they're not asking me specifically, but they're asking!

"Dear Emma",

Why does Enrique Iglesias talk "different"?

Mama de Hayzea y Cruz

Dear Mama,

English is not his first language. It's called an 'accent', and it happens when... you're speaking a language that isn't your first language and little bits of pronunciation and stuff sneak in from whatever language you started with. It also happens when you're from Michigan, Canada, or the southern United States, even though those people technically started off speaking English. I know, it can be very confusing. Speaking of confusing, you seem to have given your children Spanish or Latin names. That makes me think that perhaps you are not a native English speaker yourself. Which makes me wonder if perhaps you mean why does Enrique talk 'different' when he's speaking Spanish, in which case hopefully someone else on yahoo can help you because I can't. Also, are you calling him gay? It sorts sounds like you're calling him gay. In which case I'm not sure why he's banging that tennis player. I'm more confused than when I started and I'm supposed to have the answers here. This is why I hate Yahoo Answers.

Anna Kournikova and Enrique Iglesias.

Love, Emma

"Dear Emma",

Does anyone know where i can purchase or view a decent quality map of the universe??? Ps, please don't ask why or give any stupid answers thank you.

Chris

Dear Chris,

You kinda tied my hands there with that P.S. First of all, all of my answers are stupid. Second, if I can't ask why, then how am I to recommend a source? For example, if you're helping someone do a kindergarten science project, then this will probably do:

this is exactly how the universe looks

However, if you're planning a trip of some kind, that's clearly not going to cut it. In that case, I recommend that you contact whoever it is that you're going to visit. As far as I can tell, my drawing is only about one degree less accurate than what NASA knows, so even if you get the best map in the world you're still going to get lost on your way to your intergalactic mixer. Hell, didn't they include a map in the evite? Aliens, man.

Love, Emma

hee hee

as promised, an ignite video DOES exist