Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

sometimes I get nervous when I see an open door

There's a woman here at work. She's like a completely perfect version of me.

It is really fucking irritating.

  • Her name is a sweet four letter name that starts and ends with a vowel. It isn't the number one baby name in the country.
  • She has dark, shoulder length hair. It's never frizzy.
  • She is about 5 feet tall and about 105 lbs. Somehow she got boobs with that combination.
  • She has really pretty olive skin. She doesn't turn red when embarrassed. (Either that or she doesn't get embarrassed - whichever it is, it's not fair.)
  • She has a bunch of super cute clothes. She clearly doesn't buy any of them at Target or Ann Taylor Loft.
  • She runs marathons. Way, way faster than I run marathons.
  • She's less than 5 years older than me. She's a vice president.

And? AND? She has Louboutins! I don't even have something to compare to that! And? She's my sometimes work husband's other work wife! AND! She has a husband who is super handsome and also kind of rich! Hell, if I knew him better I'd probably discover he's like a perfect version of Crockett.

The super kicker? She's freaking sweet. Our shared work husband walked past us just now when we were chatting and said 'wow, you two are exactly the same height'. I said 'yeah, a cool height' because I am excellent at comebacks. She said 'good things come in small packages'. That was so much better!

I can't decide what to do about her. My choices are: kill her and bury her in the desert somewhere; single-white-female her; or  try to get over my jealousy, bff her, and start borrowing her Louboutins.  Her feet are undoubtedly the same size as mine, except probably her right foot isn't half a size bigger. You know, cause she's perfect. Thoughts?

Stockholm, Day 1

chewbacca is going to hell