Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

my dewy-eyed disney bride

There is a concept, popularized by Faith Baldwin in her 1930 novel The Office Wife, of office spouses. More recently (what, you weren't around in 1930?), there was an article in Slate that proposed that Condoleeza Rice was Bush's work wife, and CNN said that having a work spouse could help motivate people come to work. The whole idea is that your work spouse provides the kind of emotional support that you get at home from your real spouse, but in a platonic way. The person is likely of the sex that you're attracted to, although I suppose that's not required.

I don't really have a work husband (despite my mentioning him in an earlier post). Even in my platonic work love life I'm fickle, it turns out - I mostly just have a lot of work boyfriends. They are platonic, of course, but I'm starting to find them a little unsatisfying. I want more.


You: You must be not overly attractive but cute enough that I'm not embarrassed to go to coffee with you, and you must be within a few years of my age. You must have a wife or a serious girlfriend who doesn't work at our company, and she must be ok with you having a work wife. It would probably be best if she was cuter than me (you will not be as cute as Crockett, I guarantee it). Ideally, you will have at least a passing interest in women's fashion (what? I said 'ideally'!) and an ability to tell me if something I'm wearing doesn't work without making me cry. You must be willing to badmouth my boss and coworkers at my every whim, and you must be willing to close your office door so I can cry and/or cuss when I'm having a bad day.

Me: I will try to look cute enough that your single work buddies will be a little jealous when we get coffee together. I will scope out meetings and presentations for you before you go in so you know if a tie is required or overkill. I will badmouth your boss and coworkers at your every whim. I will still respect you if you cry and/or cuss when you're having a bad day.