1) Drinking makes you skinny.
I am sooooo not kidding. These very cool researchers in Boston were sitting around 13 years ago, and they thought to themselves, 'selves, what can we do that will take thirteen years and make 29 year old Emma happy?' What they settled on, in their genius, was to conduct a study about drinking and weight.
They interviewed 19,200 (!) women every year for 13 years. They asked them how much they'd had to drink during the previous year and then they weighed them.
At the end of the study, the women who consumed the highest amount of alcohol (more than two drinks a day) were 30% less likely to be overweight than women who didn't drink at all. This is after controlling for age, smoking, physical activity, and an undefined 'host of other factors'. The women who drank the most actually consumed more calories than the women who didn't drink as much, so it's not that they used booze as a food replacement.
Basically, it's that drinking makes you skinny. Which makes me happy. Cause I like to drink.
2) The large hadron collider is apparently going to be shut down again. The large hadron collider scares the hell out of me. Crockett says it's trying to shut itself down from the future. He's sitting next to me, so I asked him why he thought that.
Crockett: because if it... I have no idea. Something about if the higgs boson is discovered (looks over and sees that I'm writing down what he's saying)...you suck... it will lead to the end of the world.
Me: What's the higgs boson?
Crockett: It's the particle that gives matter mass.
Crockett has an M.S. in rocket science, and even he doesn't know what the higgs boson particle does. He shrugged, for heaven's sake! When you google it, the first thing that comes up is a reference calling it 'the god particle'.
We should not be messing with that shit. If the collider is messing with itself from the future, I say good luck and godspeed.
3) You can order CASKETS from COSTCO.
Hopefully I will never find myself in the position to need one, because they don't ship to Colorado. But still, you can order CASKETS from COSTCO.