Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

my people are already on it

I'm just going to assume that all of my readers are, like me, avid March Madness fans - because really, who isn't? HAHHAHAHAHAHA.

Sorry about that, sometimes I'm overtaken by my own hilarity. Really, I do like basketball (that's what March Madness is, right?), but I prefer the professional version and then mostly when it's live and I have beer in hand. I spend a lot of time staring at the players and poking Crockett, asking how tall he thinks the players are. The answer is usually 'really freaking tall, Emma. You're not allowed to ask anymore.'

Side note: also on the list of questions I'm not allowed to ask anymore are 'do you know where my phone is?', 'do you think I should cut my hair?', 'can I turn off the hockey game?', and 'do you want to watch Castle with me?'. The answer is always no. Crockett is no fun sometimes.

Did you know that there are lots of other kinds of March Madness, though? My personal favorite WAS the Jezebel Pie vs. Cake version, but since Boston Creme Pie just took a victory in the PIE category I've disentangled myself. I can't be associated with a competition that would make such a mistake. If you want to know how it works out, Katy of Kim & is posting each days match up and results.

Since such an unforgivable mistake has been made, I've had to transfer my loyalty to the Esquire Sexiest Woman Alive Madness. You'd think this is the kind of thing that would piss me off (I certainly thought it would), but how can you dislike a competition that pits Helen Mirren against Megan Fox?

How they describe Ms. Fox: Finally a bombshell who doesn't play coy. How they describe Ms. Mirren: Great rack, and eyes that can cut a bombshell in half.

Yes, it's insanely objectifying - but really, what pop culture isn't?

More matchups:

Kristen Bell vs. Marion Cotillard

How they describe Kristen Bell (my number one celebrity girl crush): The only thing we and Dax Shepard can agree on.

Bianna Golodryga vs. Sarah Silverman

How they describe Sarah Silverman (who is kind of a jerk face but funny as fuck and therefore deserves to be listed, something I wouldn't necessarily expect of Esquire): "I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin."

And of course Esquire's own personal version of the Boston Creme Pie incident:

Lindsey Vonn and Julia Mancuso vs. the Panamanian cricket team

Guys? Two Panamanian women's asses don't technically count as, you know, women. Also, are they both number 2?

If neither one of these playoffs does it for you, there's also:

March Madness of the Mind

Dungeons and Dragons March Madness

Whatever the fuck Perez Hilton thinks about March Madness

And I'm sure roughly a billion more. Let me know if you find any good ones?

spaceman says everybody look down, it's all in your mind

sweet home alabama