Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

A day in the life of my boyfriend

You know how on Monday I posted, all whiny like, about how I'm sad that Crockett is in the Bahamas without me even though I was totally invited, and then I said his airplane ticket buying habits would give me an aneurysm if we shared a bank account? He called me that night, from the Bahamas - to tell me that my shoe budget probably matches his travel budget and that that would give him an aneurysm.

I had no comeback. Cause it's true.

Then I got to thinking, it must be hard to be my boyfriend. I mean, super super rewarding, cause I'm all adorable and stuff, but hard for two reasons.

1) I have a blog and he doesn't. When he has a really good point like the one about my shoe budget, he makes it to me. When I have a really good point like the one about his travel budget, I make it to all of you. To get to you, his point has to go through me, and you know I'm going to change it up a little, right? For example, he actually called me on Monday because he's a sweetie and knew that I would be missing him, and he threw that budget thing in there as an afterthought. A snarky afterthought.

2) He made the mistake of giving me his IM address waaaaay back when we started dating. Now, when he walks away from his computer, this is what he comes back to.

can you have fewer friends? it's really hard for me to keep them all straight or could they possibly have weirder hair? that would help me remember

wanna go fourwheeling at lunch?

ha I just printed out a presentation where instead of Product I'd written Broduct sounds like Barney Simpson

aww puppies I luv puppies

can you please give me an example of something that you have understood that i haven't? something intellectual? one of those quark things maybe? come on haven't there been times in your kitchen where you're trying to explain physics to me and i'm looking at you like you're speaking dingbats?

I just realized I'm O+ because O- is the universal donor and I'm pretty sure somebody would have told me if I was a universal donor

hey, we're having Stars party at your house ok?

This is good stuff, right? But this is truly the kind of thing that happens EVERY TIME he walks away from his computer. And then, when he starts asking for details about the party, I say "dude, don't you even care that I'm a universal recipient? Think about how much safer that makes me!". Then, when he says "yes, Em, that's gre..." I interrupt him to say "don't you love puppies too?" and so on and so forth.

There you go. That's what it's like dating me - you spend your life bombarded by mostly nonsensical IMs and you are always wrong because the internet is on my side.

I wish he was here so I could give him a big old hug.

Emma the honey badger

Do I have 'erotic capital'?