I slept at the hospital with Crockett last night. I know that he had nurses and monitors and an actual bed to sleep in, but I wanted to be there, because that motherfucker scared the shit out of me yesterday. Surgery. Scary scary stuff.
Me sleeping at the hospital in a reclining chair that refused to recline was the right choice. Me coming to work today having had roughly three hours of sleep in a non-reclining reclining chair while wearing my contacts (which makes sleeping SUCK, if you've never tried it) was not the right choice.
Because today I had my 2009 review.
Sometimes, I don't like my job very much. That was especially true for awhile last year when I had absolutely nothing to do and was bored and frustrated and interviewed for two other jobs internally just for a change of place.
My boss and I discussed that at the time. He referred to it as being 'disengaged'. As in 'Emma, you do a great job when you engage'.
While right now I'm 'engaged', he did in fact remember those periods last year when I wasn't, and my review wasn't as good as it could have been. The hell of it is, he's right. I didn't care about my job at that time, and even though it was over six months ago, this review was about last year.
I KNEW I should have stayed home today. (By virtue of my boss's scheduling issues, if you miss a meeting chances are he'll never be around to make it up.) At least that way I wouldn't have been told that I was a disappointment for part of last year to my face.
On an unrelated note, I have to decide whether to stay home and nurse Crockett or go to Portland to see the tiniest sprinter. Like, soon, seeing as how my flight leaves in 15 hours.
Crockett says go and see Sam, but he wouldn't admit he wanted me around to take care of him unless he was literally dying. Sam says stay if I'm going to be worried about Crockett. I am going to be worried about Crockett. Maybe, like staying in the hospital, staying home is more about me than him - but that's what I'm leaning towards.
Life is about more than work.
P.S. Don't you just love how deep and insightful I am sometimes? 'Life is about more than work'? Come on, like you could have thought of that.