Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

an ode to my mommy

Today is my mother's birthday. She is exactly 30 years minus one month minus one day older than me. My grandmother is exactly 30 years plus twelve months minus three days older than her. (What does this mean, you ask? It means I am destined to have an incredible daughter when I'm 30, OBVIOUSLY.) She is, without a doubt, my favorite person. I mean, Crockett is my love, and my puppies are my soul mates, but my mom is hands down the coolest person in the world.

Big statement, you say? Well, let me explain the ten raddest things about my mom. I bet by the end she'll be your favorite too.

  1. She used to ride bicycles, before I was born. She wore seriously rockin' sunglasses while she did it and used to win like, all the time.
  2. When I was little, I used to insist that she was not my mom, that I had another family over the mountain that I wanted to go live with. She never put me on the front steps with on of those hobo/bandana+stick bags and told me to go for it, even though I was reallllly mean about it.
  3. She was in charge of all of the computers at the National Institute of Standards and Technology. That's where they keep the atomic clock and like, the true foot. (12 inches foot, not the 'one true foot'. I don't even know what that would be. God's foot, maybe?) The atomic clock and the laser that measures the foot are run by computers. Therefore, before she retired, my mom was in charge of all time and distance.
  4. The tiniest sprinter and I fight a lot about who is her favorite, but in reality she doesn't have a favorite, because she's just that fair and loving. Also, if she does have a favorite, it's me.
  5. She's really pretty and has super nice hair.
  6. She moved in 100 yards from me. Quite literally, she had all of ... well, the world, I guess, to chose from, and she chose to move in 100 yards from me. Not because she wanted to be nosy or needy or any of those things that people who don't know her suspect, but because we're like total besties and make really good dogsitters for each other. It's cool.
  7. She STILL rides bicycles. Her sunglasses aren't as cool, but she still wins like, all the time.
  8. When she wasn't riding bicycles, she was running. She and I ran the Title 9 9k race as a mother daughter team for three years in a row, and we got third the first year, second the second year, and first the third year. Then we quit because it really wasn't fair to everyone else for us to keep going, obviously.
  9. Sometimes? Since she's retired? She sits on the couch all day and watches movies on Netflix. Because she can.
  10. She's the very best kind of goofy. The kind that holds up a can of tomatoes and a spatula with a toy bear magnet stuck to it and makes a funny face.

There you go. You want her to be your mom now too, dontcha.

Can't have her, she's all mine. Well, and the tiniest sprinter's, I guess. Lame.

the bee does quickly sting

quitter le froc