Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

I have one. The recent explosion and changes in security have not at all lessened it. It's not particularly funny, really, but you know what is? This tweet from The Bloggess.

The responses she got were bordering on legendary, but you'll have to go read her blog to see them all. I want to talk about the phobia dictionary that she linked to.

Are you truly aware of how many named phobias there are? Enough people are afraid of symmetry for it to have it's own name (symmetrophobia, of course). Symmetry. What are you afraid of, if you're afraid of symmetry? I mean, are you frightened of cars? Cars are quite symmetrical when viewed from the front. Computers? Denzel Washington, who purportedly has a perfectly symmetrical face?

Turns out there are also quite a few phobias that I didn't realize I had until I knew there were names for them. Thanks, Phobia Dictionary, for teaching me that I have:

  • Taeniophobia, Teniophobia - Fear of tapeworms.
  • Spheksophobia - Fear of wasps.

In my defense, is there anyone out there who is all 'oooo wasps and tapeworms come crawl all over me'? I'm leaning towards no. (The oooo was supposed to represent a happy gosh-I-love-these-creepy-crawlies voice, not a sex voice. Because I'm pretty sure that's a different thing all together.)

  • Spacephobia - Fear of outer space.

Sadly, this is true. I'm pretty sure that if you put me into space my mental capabilities would just shut right down and I'd die.

  • Scelerophibia - Fear of bad men, burglars.

I'm fine with bad women, although not women burglars. Apparently I'm not alone.

  • Rhytiphobia - Fear of getting wrinkles. definitely wouldn't let me in.

  • Rhabdophobia - Fear of being severely punished or beaten with a rod, or of being severely criticized.

Blame this one on Roald Dahl's Boy: Tales from Childhood.

  • Quadraphobia - Fear of quartets or of being drawn and quartered.

The quartet part, obviously. Who is afraid of being drawn and quartered anymore? And have you seen those little hats that barbershop quartets wear?

  • Obesophobia, Pocrescophobia - Fear of gaining weight.

I'm a red blooded American female. Cut me some slack.

  • Nucleomituphobia - Fear of nuclear weapons.

This one should just be called 'being smart'.

  • Nihilophobia - Fear of (absolutely) nothing.
  • Fearaphobia, Fearophobia - fear of developing fears.

Give these two some thought - if you don't get caught in a fear spiral of epic proportions, I'll eat that guy above's barbershop hat.

  • Luiphobia, Syphilophobia - Fear of syphilis.
  • Homichlophobia, Nebulaphobia - Fear of fog.

The syphilis fear can be traced directly back to that one episode of Grey's Anatomy, and the fog fear to Stephen King's The Mist. This may or may not be an indication that my pop culture consumption level is a leeeeettle high.

  • Cholerophobia - Fear of anger or the fear of cholera.

Fortunately, I'm scared of both being yelled at AND cholera. Win-win.

  • Automatonophobia - Fear of any inanimate object that represents a sentient being, eg. statues, dummies, robots, etc.

See: uncanny valley. Ick.

There you have it. Fifteen fears I didn't realize I had until the Phobia Dictionary helped me put a name to them. Thanks, Phobia Dictionary!

I'm going home to hide under my bed.

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