Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

First of all, how hilarious is it to call the recently departed decade the Naughties? I picked it up from Jezebel and Slate (I think) and I find it giggle inducing every time I say it. Naughties. Giggle.

This decade was a whopper for me personally. Of course, it was one of only three that I've been alive and one of two that I've been a functioning member of society (i.e. having an age that's in the double digits), so it wasn't hard for it to be significant. I finished college, went to pastry school, went through several careers, fell in and out of love with a few men (in once more than out, fortunately), became the proud mama of two fabulous dogs, bought a house, and got three tattoos. I wholeheartedly adopted blogging, painting, twitter, compulsive furniture rearranging, orchids, vegetarianism, veganism (temporarily), and running. I made friends, lost friends, my brother moved away, my dad moved away and came back, my parents got divorced, and I gained and lost thirty pounds. As I said, a whopper.

However, turns out it's near to impossible to remember tens years worth of movies and books. Here goes nothing - if I forget something incredible or critical or not-to-be-forgotten, remind me. That's what the comments are for.


- There are so many reasons this movie stuck with me. 1) Michelle Rodriguez. She is hot and strong and I've been madly in love with her since long before her turn on Lost. 2) The naughties (giggle) were the decade of my slow birth as a feminist, and this movie was a large part of what kicked that off. 3) Punching. Lots of punching.

- Have you seen this? You see how Rose McGowan's leg has been replaced by a machine gun? You see the big skull and crossbones on the hood of that car? Are you going to go out and rent it RIGHT NOW? What if I told you that the incredible Zoe Bell, who did Uma Thurman's stunts in Kill Bill, played herself and did a whole scene where she rides on the hood of a car for fun? For FUN! Go rent it. I'm not even kidding. If you trust me, go buy it. You won't be sorry. Do you need a little more encouragement? Ok, here is just one of many fake trailers that are included.


- Fine, maybe Slither isn't technically a 'good' movie. You know what though? It's the closest the naughties (giggle) came to a new Tremors, and Tremors is my favorite movie of all time. Of. All. Time. Shut UP. Also - Nathan Fillion, lookin all hot. As per usual.


I'm going with three different categories here. First, best overall new show. Second, best single episode. Third, best character added in the naughties (giggle). Doesn't that sound all sensible? I'm nothing if not sensible. Sensible sensible. Sensible. Ha.

Best New Show

- Ah Grey's, how I love thee. With your extremely attractive doctors and your best-tv-relationship-EVER (Meredith and Derek, like I need to say it). With your story lines that made me skip everything on Thursday nights - dates, parties, classes, audiences with the pope, whatever. Please, never stop. Ever.

Best Single Episode

- Yeah yeah yeah I'm a gigantic geek. I've dealt with it. The musical episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer was fan-fucking-tastic and there are an entire posse of geeks out there that agree with me. See?

Best New Character

- YesfineI'mmorethanmildlyobsessedwithJossWhedoncanwemoveon? Winifred Burkle, from Angel. While Angel officially spun off from Buffy in 99, Fred wasn't saved from her otherworldly cave of insanity until 2001 so this totally counts. Fred is neurotic and genius and pretty much the anti-Cordelia. If you don't know who Cordelia is... well, I don't know where to start. No, really. Just believe me when I say Fred is the girl every smart girl wants to be.


- This was the decade of the mocking website. This Is Why You're Fat, Cake Wrecks, Fuck You Penguin, Your Tattoo Sucks, Hot Chicks with Douchebags, Fail Blog - people, you have made meanness into an art. This was also, of course, the decade of LOLspeak - but we won't talk about that.

- started in 2007 (sort of). I don't know if you guys are reading that shit, but MAN it's hilarious and insightful and just plain magical. You should go check it out.


I'm sorry, loves, but this one is impossible. I have probably read upwards of 1000 books in the last ten years, and I cannot pick favorites. That's like asking me to pick my favorite breath or my favorite strand of hair. Just not gonna happen. (Because I love breathing and I love my hair, get it? I am SO funny that sometimes I feel like I have to explain my funny. Just in case it was too funny.)

Social Phenomena

I'm not going to mention Myspace or Facebook or Twitter or Napster (because I never used Napster of course - hear me, FCC?). Partially because drrr, and partially because I'd like to look back on this ten years from now and not be mortified.

Speaking of mortification:

- I was in a band. We were called The Take. I wore skirts (what you're seeing is the longest of my onstage skirts by several inches, in deference to the fact that it was like -2 the night we played at the Larimer Lounge) and Cons and sang songs with titles like Disease of Our Youth and thought I was the sexiest thing with a microphone. Because I was. Obviously.

This is normally where I'd segue into the people of the naughties (giggle) but I have a LOT of candidates - real life, celebs, four legged, etc. Therefore, I'm moving that to it's very own post. Tomorrow, dear readers.

I hope that you enjoyed the naughties (giggle) as much as I obviously did.

My cold and I are going roller skating.


it's not your fault you're always wrong

Best of 2009