Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

Happy Birthday Sesame Street!

I know, I sucked it up yesterday. Not only did I write the lamest blog entry ever, I forgot that I was supposed to be reviewing Big Meat Eater. I had remembered on Sunday night, but Netflix was acting all cranky, and then I just plumb forgot. I'll try to watch it tonight and review it tomorrow, promise-cross-my-heart-hope-that-if-I-forget-nothing-bad-happens-at-all. The tiniest sprinter did review it, so go check that out. I can promise it's hilarious, even though I haven't read it, because he's always hilarious. So... it's Sesame Street's official birthday today and I still haven't acted on the genius 'write a fake interview with your favorite Sesame  Street character' idea that I was so graciously gifted with last week. I now realize that this is because Sesame Street was not, to my recollection, a  big part of my childhood. I went through all the characters I could remember and dismissed them one by one until the only one left was ... well, you'll see.

Let's check it out:

  • Big Bird - Rejected

Pros: He has imaginary friends and is a seriously fabulous color. Also, he apparently understands the importance of car safety and a snuggly traveling buddy. Cons: He is frighteningly tall and his imaginary friend Aloysius Snuffleupagus  was revealed to be real after they wanted kids to be taken seriously when they told people about child abuse. Sad. Also, Snuffy is scary. If I ran into him and Big Bird in a well lighted alley I would run away screaming.

  • Oscar the Grouch - Rejected

Pros: Green is awesome. Cons: The dude lives in a trash can. Come on, man, have some self respect. And clean your room already.

  • Bert - Rejected

Pros: Undying loyalty to his best bud. Cons: As someone so fastidious, you'd think he'd do something about that distracting and unflattering unibrow.

  • Ernie - Rejected

Pros: Undying loyalty to his best bud. Cons: Stupid name. Really. Go by Earnest and my respect for you will increase 10,000 fold.

  • Elmo - Rejected

Pros: Makes me laugh because I always think of his cute Tickle Me Elmo giggle. Cons: Overplayed. Take a back seat and let someone else shine for awhile, ya spotlight hog.

  • Cookie Monster - Seriously considered... then rejected

Pros: He does love his cookies. As someone who spent hours last week tweaking a chocolate chip cookie recipe and who then ate espresso oat cookies for breakfast this morning, I feel he and I may be muppety soul mates. Cons: He now eats vegetables. He's blue and I really really hate blue.

  • Count von Count - Rejected

Pros: Vampires are SOOOO in right now. Cons: His thing is counting. He's a vampire with a monocle and obsessive compulsive disorder. That may seem cool to you know, but walk a mile in his shoes and then tell me you wouldn't give anything for normal sight, real food, and to just be able to put on gloves in the morning without counting your fingers first.

And finally, my top choice.

  • Rubber Ducky

Pros: He's the one! He makes bathtime so much fun! Cons: When I tried to interview him, he didn't have much to say.

There you go. Complete Sesame Street interview fail. But Sesame Street? I love you anyway. Happy Birthday.

the thinking woman's crumpet

broken shmoken token