Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

I'm sick. I'm not going to make the declarative statement "I have the swine flu", but I'm not going to rule it out either. Either way, I'm here in a semi fevered state, unable to sleep and unable to focus long enough to read or watch television. Playing fetch seems to be about my  speed, except that lifting my arms is sooooo much work. As is typing.

Earlier I was thinking about something someone once told me - the 'nearest doughnut' theory. After googling it, I realized this is not as well known as whoever it was that told me about it made it sound. The basic theory is this: men's affairs can frequently be boiled down to the nearest woman who was willing to sleep with him. If his wife is across town but someone willing is in his office building... boom. A man will eat a doughnut that's in hand rather than drive across town for a home cooked meal.

Yes, it's insulting. Part of the reason I was googling it is because I was getting all worked up about health care and abortion and all sorts of vaguely related things earlier and then I saw this tweet: baratunde Wow @RobGeorge on mark sanford: he flew to Argentina for his mistress. No nookie is worth a 9 hour flight! There's 9 minute nookie in SC. Either  the nearest woman who found Sanford sexually attractive was a nine hour flight away or, you know, the doughnut thing is bullshit. What does this have to do with health care and abortion? Um... it too gets me all worked up? That's about all I got for linkage at this point.

Anyway. One of the sites that 'nearest doughnut' search led me to was a sociologist mathematician dude. I know, I don't necessarily see the combo either, but he's making it work. He didn't use the ND phrase, one of his commenters did. Check this out - the post I stumbled on was a mathematical way to figure out how long your marriage is going to last.

A= Woman's age at time of marriage (No, men's age at the time of marriage is not accounted for. Maybe it's irrelevant due to the widely acknowledged fact that men never grow up heeheehee man I'm funny tonight.) E=Current combined years of post-high-school education K= Number of kids from this marriage R= How religious is the couple (1-10 with 10 being “the Pope”) D= Combined number of divorces of couple’s parents P= Combined previous marriages T= Years at which you are computing the chances

H.e.a. stands for “Happily Ever After” and is the percent chance you will still be married at time “T”

Based on my current status, where X is number of years married and Y is percentage chance of staying that way. And yes, I would have used excel to graph this if my netbook had excel, but it doesn't.

Two takeaways.

1) According to math social geek, my lack of children and religion and my parents divorce means I will never have a better than 50% chance of staying married.

2) I am a gigantic nerd.

sniff, sniff II

One two three knock on the wall