Sigh. BIG GINORMOUS sigh. I just wrote a long, hilarious post about these geeky watches that I found online, and when I tried to upload it it vanished. This is exceptionally depressing and while I can try to duplicate it, it will never be the same. SIGH.
Anyway. Yesterday I was reading an article on Maxim.com (yes, there is a tiny feminist crying in the corner of my mind, thank you for asking) about geeky watches. One thing led to another and soon I was doing what I do best - mining these internets for useless bullshit. I found about a billion geek watches that were hilariously awesome. I listed eight in the original post but now I'm tired and will only show you the coolest ones. They're all by TokyoFlash, who is apparently the go to company if you do not actually want to know what time it is when you look at your wrist.
Pretend you're looking at a soundboard. Now do you see it? The best part is that you'll only get the single lights... you know, the ones that are showing you what time it is... for five seconds. Then it will actually look like a soundboard, with the rows lighting up randomly. This watch is perfect for a) giving yourself epilepsy and b) staring at your wrist waiting for your watch to deign to tell you the time.
What are those rows of lights on top, you ask? They're telling you what time it is, obviously. Oh what? You don't know how to read binary? Ok, hold on ... 2 plus 8 plus.. wait that can't be right. Let me start over. One plus 8... whatever. You figure it out. The boxes on the bottom will apparently tell you the date and the seconds, assuming you don't shoot yourself because the lines at the top have destroyed whatever you believed to be true about your intelligence.
First, gross name, TokyoFlash. Really. I would not necessarily have seen a virus when I looked at this, so thank you for that. Second - wondering how you tell time with this one? I'm not even going to explain. I'll just tell you that it's 3:56 in the image above. And yes, I may have used my fingers when figuring that out. I have an engineering degree, damn it!
I know I said three watches.. but... there's one that came up in several geek watch searches that I find completely ungeeky and now crave with my whole heart and soul. It's been discontinued and I cannot find it anywhere, which is depressing, but rest assured that if one pops up on eBay and one of you is bidding against me it will be WAR.
This one is not by TokyoFlash, shockingly enough. It was designed by Frank Gehry and that's his handwriting. When it's xx:30 it says 'half past xx'. How fucking cool is that? This is the exact opposite of TokyoFlash - instead of making me work to figure out what time it is, it doesn't even make me work to translate time into speech. I love it. That may or may not mean my brain is melting (and if it is I blame twitter), but whatever. I love this watch.