It is so easy to be discontent. It's really very pathetic (says she). Last night I was lazing around, thinking 'booooooo I have to go back to work tomorrow'. I've been toying with the idea of finding a job more in my beloved field of pastry, even though I had excellent reasons for leaving the field in the first place.
Why did I leave?
- Reporting for work at 6 am.
- Working weekends, with non-consecutive days off.
- Working two full time jobs to make less than I make now.
- Working every Christmas, every Easter, every Thanksgiving - basically any time everyone else is celebrating.
You should know, I put all but #3 in there so as to seem non-mercenary. The weird days and hours didn't actually bother me, because most weekends, Christmases, and Easters I find an excuse to bake anyway - this way at least I was getting paid for it. Plus, going to work at six means you get off at 2 or 3. Lovely.
#3 though - that was a deal breaker. It's so sad that money is so important - but I remember wondering if I would be able to buy a house before I turned 40. 40. One little career change later and here I am in my very own lil townhouse, with two well fed dogs and a car that was NEW when I bought it. NEW. That's right.
Lately, however, I seem to have forgotten what that was like. It now seems charming that I used to have to budget Cloey's food into my groceries. Didn't seem charming at the time, mind you - seemed like a pain in the ass to have to live without my beloved marmalade for weeks so that my girl could have healthy food. It also seems romantic that I could rarely afford to go anywhere, and instead took bread and desserts from work and cooked dinners at home most nights. It wasn't - the idea of someone serving me and cleaning up after me was so tempting that I occasionally literally had dreams about it.
Full circle. Last night I was laying around, thinking how lame it is that I have to go to work. Well, actually I was thinking 'gee, I'm pretty damn happy'. And then I thought 'I wish I was making pie tomorrow'. Then 'stupid non-pie making job'. And then I thought 'oh shit'.
BECAUSE - now I'm worried that I somehow jinxed myself and will fall victim to the recession. I don't want to live without marmalade again, people. So to my job, and my friends, and my pups, and my boy, I say 'muah'. I am grateful and content.