I hope I'm not surprising anyone when I acknowledge that the large majority of my post titles are in fact song lyrics (with the occasional literary reference thrown in just to show that my honors program in college did in fact teach me something). In general I make no attempt to tie them to the theme of the post, I just type whatever has been rattling around in my head all day. This particular one is from a song by The Silver Jews, and while it doesn't actually make a lot of sense, the title always makes me think of masturbation. Go figure.
Anywho... SO not the purpose of this post. The purpose of this post is the FuckItList. I am not kidding about this. Michael Ian Black, who is the HILARIOUS dude from I Love the 80s and various other weirdness, invented the list.
I thoroughly encourage you all to develop your own FuckItList. Generally, it's the opposite of a Bucket List. I.e, the things that you absolutely do not want to and will not get around to before you die. I've just started mine, but I have to say, it's cathartic and very much in keeping with the simplification theme of my personal happiness project. If you know what you don't have to do, then you have more time to think about the things you DO want to do.
Here's the beginning of mine. Suggestions welcome.
- Own or use a nanny cam. It's just mean.
- Go skydiving. Never going to happen.
- Remotely patrol US borders.
- Go to Japan. I don't know why, but I seriously have no interest in Japan. At all. Which is weird, cause you'd think I'd appreciate a country where my size clothing is not the smallest possible size made. Or maybe that's why I don't want to go... it's all very murky. Anyway, don't need to go.
- Go to Mongolia. Same level of disinterest, plus I hate those Mongolian BBQ restaurants.
- Learn how to fly an airplane.
- Go to a professional sporting event in every state in the US.
- Go to a professional sporting event in every country in the world.
- Go to the Olympics (unless I manage to qualify in competitive yoga. Which, since I don't actually do yoga, seems unlikely). I'm like 99.9% sure the Olympics are just better on TV.
- Invent an iPhone App. I totally could. Srsly. I'm just not gonna.
See? Ten decisions I don't have to make. "Hey Em, you want this nanny cam we're not using anymore cause our nanny quit when she found out we had it?" "Nope, that's on my FuckItList. Thanks though!"
Also, I have nothing against either Japan or Mongolia. I know that they are beautiful, fascinating places. Just not my cup of tea. Square watermelons? Pass. Foot binding? Pass. Grill your own food on a big greasy plate with lots of other people and pay extra for the privilege? Pass.