Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

51st way to leave your lover

I love Valentines Day. And when I recently mentioned that to a wise man that I know, he said to me that he hates Valentines Day for a whole big heap of reasons. One was the de riguer 'it's a fake holiday invented by Hallmark'.  I've never bought into that one, mostly because all holidays are at least augmented if not completely fabricated by some corporate stakeholder.  For example, Coca-Cola TOTALLY invented Christmas. Ok, not really, but you can't say that Jesus was all about the decorated fir tree or that the folks we're memorializing on Memorial Day secretly hoped we'd do it with lots of bbq and beer.  And yet you don't see people objecting to those celebrations.  Therefore, that reason is bunk. Moving on.

His second reason was that it makes women feel bad about themselves. While that probably seems like kind of a 'duh' moment to you, I'd never really thought about it before. Probably because a) I don't usually feel bad about myself for any reason (likely to a fault, although guess what? Don't feel bad about that!) and b) because I've always either been in a relationship or happy to not be in a relationship when this time of year rolls around.

However - I'm now fully on board with that reason.  It's completely valid and I've seen examples of it in women who ARE in relationships, much less those who want one and aren't.

For example: A friend of a friend recently received an email from his girlfriend in which she enumerated - in bullet points, no less - the reasons that they should be together. I didn't get to see the list personally, but apparently it included the sweet 'because I love you', and the dubious offer of putting monogamy up for negotiation. There were ten in all, but I'm pretty sure that if you have to offer to let your bf sleep with someone else, it might be time to wipe the slate clean and start over with a new fella. Which this woman would probably have realized if it weren't Valentines Day.

Nonetheless, I'm leaving it high on my list of beloved days. Know why?

  • Pink heart shaped cookies.
  • Cheesy cards.
  • Sweet cards.
  • Pink and white tulips.
  • Chocolate!! How can you dislike a holiday in which chocolate is one of the cornerstones?
  • Getting to draw hearts on things. Not acceptable for a 28 year old woman except on this one day.
  • Special Valentines Day menus in restaurants.
  • Elementary school classes where everyone gives everyone else cards. 
  • Singing telegrams.

Therefore - happy almost Valentines Day. May you spend it in a way that makes you smile.


read this and die...