Colorado. Runner. Yogi. Fucking hilarious, like, 17% of the time.

that damn mulberry bush

Either I've matured out of them or all my favorite tv shows have gone off the goddamn rails. Me maturing is unlikely. (Don't tell my brand new therapist, I'd like her to have faith in my potential for improvement for at least a couple of months.)

Shonda Rhimes is obviously a large part of the problem, right? But even excluding her recent FUCKING LUNACY, everything is a mess.

Spoilers abound, people. Just, you know, use your judgement. (Parenthetical explanations follow for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about.)

  • DEREK. Man. Two actual texts I sent regarding the whole Derek thing: "I'm so sad it's ridiculous" and "I cried for so long that even Deaner got bored and stopped worrying about me". Dean is a ten month old Jack Russell terrier (Parson Russell terrier? Did changing the name actually stick?) and has never not been worried in his life. He worriedly jogs in his sleep. (Grey's Anatomy: the penis having half of the grand high couple died in a super-duper-painful-full-of-jump-scares episode - he almost got hit by like seven cars, almost drove off the road, almost survived but for the want of a more mouthy surgeon, etc. It was an hour of pain. He was always my guy.)
  • Olivia is just reacting to B613 shit now. I mean, she kind of always did, but she used to have initiative. Plus, her dad is getting more and more stalkery, which is weird for a dad. (Scandal: um. Let's say that the real government in real life (real real real) was all 'hey here's a secret spy organization that we can't really explain but they're super bad but we can't shut them down because they've buried grenades under all of your houses and they'll explode them if we even TRY to explain' and then they tried to explain a few times anyway and some houses blew up and then they gave up and kept letting the secret meanies do terrible things. B613 is like that.)
  • NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE ROYAL FAMILY. (Grimm: the main non-supernatural female character is evil now and the whole solution is sort of like if I turned evil and somehow some intricate British royal family ancestry was relevant to making me un-evil. And if William and Harry were secretly at a very boring chat war in, like, some catacombs or something.)
  • Bones. (I don't know I'm seven episodes behind because it turns out Sweets was the only reason to watch.) (Ok fine. Bones: imagine the X-Files if they killed Scully. Sure, Mulder has a lot of panache, but he would have lost his heart, man. Sweets was everyone's heart.)
  • Castle...

Guys, I can't. I just can't continue. Is this my fault or tv's?

Or should I be watching something else?

When the hell does the new True Detective start?

 

written all over it

my future's so bright